illusion of separateness

outline of a piece I worked on....

ILLUSION OF ISLANDS

NAVIGATING THE WATERS OF FRIENDSHIP

1. DISCLAIMERS – I’M NO EXPERT AND STILL LEARNING

· I do not have the perfect friendship resume – hard friendship failures/breakups + deep blessings of deep friendships only God could have made happen
· roller coaster of friendship seasons – I know little and much
· I am an introvert and a recovering lone-wolf – if i can do it so can you

2. JONATHAN & DAVID – 1 SAMUEL 18-20
i.Jonathan made the first move
ii.Jonathan was vulnerable – took off his clothes
iii.Jonathan was willing to move towards and release away
iv.Jonathan was willing to courageously step into what the circumstance and season required
1.laying down his own safety and comfort
2.boldly asking for what he needed – don’t forget me and my family

3. ISLANDS
A.illusion of separateness -> opportunity for connection
B.rising and fall of the tides
i.lowering tides -> brings connection
1.vulnerability (build trust) + listening (create safety)
2.moving towards
3.requires risk – if you go after minimum, you will get minimum. play a big game for a deep reward.
ii.elevating tides -> creates distance
1. separateness, guardedness, shame, insecurity, comparison
2.time?
iii.tides change reciprocally
1. deposits and withdrawals
2.access and trust/responsibility
3. how you show up permits others to do the same
iv.tides change daily and seasonally
1. requires maintenance
2. requires inventory
3. some seasons call for different tides
v.rising and fall of the tides is a natural and neutral occurrence
1. don’t write an interpretive narrative around it
2. change it if it doesn’t serve
3. own your side of the gap

4. INFLECTION POINT/SHORT TOES
A. short toes = boundary + generous assumptions
i. boundary
1. delineation process - know where I end and you begin
2. own your side of the boundary
3. seek groundedness and self-awareness on my side
a. know what will be revealed when tides lower
b. know latitude/longitude – where are you?
c. on map, you have to know your starting place
4.know how you show up – abundance vs scarcity; open vs closed
5.****you are allowed to take up space in the world****
ii.generous assumptions
1. how easily is it to step on your toes?
2. can I believe that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have?
3. can I acknowledge I don’t know everything that is under the surface?
4. can I stay curious with grace?
5. as the tides lower, the more dirt above the surface, and also more opportunity for beauty and connection to be revealed

5. BRIDGING THE GAP – PRACTICALLY
A. socially courageous
i. vulnerability
ii. posture of curiosity – listening and good questions
iii.get creative
iv. be willing to rethink – rethink current status quo, systems, categories