echoes in the cave, 4
trapped.
feeling things in my body i don’t want to feel,
so i don’t,
or try not to.
unable to escape,
and constantly reminded.
stay here, be still.
i don’t want to.
but it doesn’t matter.
don’t know when it will end,
if it even will.
hard to hope still.
paralyzed.
terrified.
cry of a child,
don’t make me go back there.
choosing one suffering to avoid another,
hard to imagine,
a joyful, abundant one.
yet once again, i muster,
”i’ll stay”
and once again, i crumble,
my tears betray.
the inner world cries,
desperate to say,
”i can’t”.
from the journal 7/17/26