echoes in the cave, 11
love sick
i don’t want to miss you here.
i try to listen and hear you,
reach around and find you.
only feel pressed on every side,
tormented and trapped by,
pitter patter,
distant yet oncoming noise,
relentless inner chatter.
then with brief pauses,
short reprieves,
vibration intervals from within.
trapped and can’t escape.
i’m barely standing,
the waves keep pounding,
from all directions, all tides.
i can’t even name or predict,
don’t know what the waves are.
unsure which crash and which rise,
do i brace or do i ride?
disoriented in the tossing.
the whirlpool shakes and shudders the sense,
i’m reaching for ground to stand.
gasping for air to breathe,
does anyone even see?
nobody’s checking,
nobody knows i’m gone.
nobody must care,
their life just goes on.
i need you to hold me here.
i know what that feels like.
yet don’t feel it now.
the torture of the cave,
pounding of every wave,
makes me long
for the mountains and meadows again.
where all is quiet
but your whisper.
where all is beautiful
and simply present.
yet presently,
i sit in this cave,
swirl with every wave,
weighed down,
unable to lift my head.
i don’t want to move
and i do.
i don’t want to go
and i do.
i don’t want to feel
and i very much do.
i want all those things,
and none of them,
more than you.
only you,
can pull me through.
carried in your flow,
with waters new.
i just don’t want to miss you.
from the journal, 8/19/26 + 8/7/26