cherished narratives

we are naturally story-tellers. we have brains that fill-in-the-blanks, make interpretations and meanings, plan for action and reactions, create predictions for energy efficiency - all part of the natural human experience. and beautiful features, not bugs, in our wiring.
unless we cling to the wrong stories.

liz gilbert brought a new phrase to my attention that i have been stewing on to which she credits to the celtic prayer of approach:
“i have no cherished outcomes.”

how many of my frustrations and disappointments are as a result of a cherished outcome i wrote and desperately clung to? i told a story to myself that such-and-such would come to pass, at this time, in this way. and then i create my own disappointment prologue for when inevitably those pieces don’t come to pass exactly as i orchestrated.

or i placed undue expectations on another that they couldn’t live up to - how dare that human be human again. worse yet - i didn’t even tell them the story i was writing for them, how dare they not read my mind either. more embarrassing, i write stories for myself that i can’t live up to - you’d think that scenario would be rigged in my favor, and yet... disappointed again.
cherished outcome failed to come to pass.

what if i am having a hard time with my current circumstances because i’m not in control yet relentlessly try to be?

so what do i do with the gap? my helpless narrator of cherished narratives keeps telling me, "it's not supposed to be like this, this was supposed to play out differently..."

who told you that?

if i am to seek contentment in little and in much, to know the Lord withholds no good thing, what do i do with these longings?

if i am supposed to trust, what about the “give you the desires of your heart” part?

i think the hope and contentment come with taking inventory of the desires. checking them. noting where they came from, who wrote them, and where they are pointing. if they’re from me and rely on me - not the most trustworthy source. if they’re planted by the one who created me, narrates my story as a part of a far bigger, grander one - i imagine those are rigged for success.
there are seeds of hope there.

so desires aren’t bad. it’s all in how they’re held. the cherished outcomes become preferred outcomes, with far more focus on the journey with the Author, discovering the gold in the through-lines of the right now chapter.

preferred outcomes look like the open-handed, knees-in-the-dirt plea of “take this cup” and “not my will” muttered in neighboring moments.
the intensity of desire meets the sincerity of surrender.
longings held loosely.
this is trusting desire.
enduring for the joy set before us.

His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, His ways higher than my ways.
not just good, but immeasurably more.

for this is the day the Lord has made. and He only knows how to make good things - often with unexpected raw materials.

open-handed i come, open-handed i seek to remain - after all it’s all grace upon grace, poured on my dirt. so i can realize i’ve already achieved a cherished outcome and am journeying towards more in a cherished process, with one who reliably cherishes me.

it’s an invitation to reframe the object of my cherishing.